" Life can be found only in the present moment. The past is gone, the future is not yet here, and if we do not go back to ourselves in the present moment, we cannot be in touch with life" Thich Nhat Hanh
Mum had a bad day today . She has a very severe case of thrush in her throat . It is a side effect from the radiation and Decadron . . She had her CAT scan this morning and she was'nt able to swallow the horrible white stuff that is required before the scan . It was a real ordeal . The doctor prescribed Clotrimazole which will hopefully clear everything up. She's had a hard time drinking anything and can barely talk . Today for the first time I have felt that mum is "sick". She's weak and tired and the cumulative effect of radiation is really taking a toll on her body . She's decided to stay in Buffalo for the weekend instead of going back to Oakville. Even the relatively short drive is too much for her at the moment .
This is about hour to hour and day to day . Mum has no choice - she's got very little strength left. She is not very social right now and seems almost withdrawn. Usually she's a very busy , active person but she's been forced to slow right down , almost putting her life in suspension. There's no expectations and no specific plans . Just getting through the day takes a huge effort, physically and emotionally . There's no extraneous expenditure of energy and it seems to me as if all her resources are focused only on healing and ultimate renewal .
Colin returned from Vancouver tonight and I suspect that he will be able to infuse some of his vitality to his grandma tomorrow. He's a very caring child and I think he senses that she is depleted at the moment . Illness can be a profoundly isolating experience and Colin , like her other grandchildren, create joy as well as a sense of family and connection .This is a critical part of recovery and and hope. Fortunately, mum has that in abundance.
