Airports have negative associations for me. They remind me of tearful departures , uncomfortable reunions, lost luggage and an uneasy sense of vulnerability and chaos.For years , mum lived in the UK and Andrew and I lived in South Africa and subsequently in Canada. For us, the happy pick-up at the airport was almost immediately replaced with a sense of anticipation of the return journey ....the countdown starts before we leave the underground parking . The last time I saw my father just before he died was as he was leaving for a trip and the last conversation with him was over a crackly phone line to Mauritius.When I say goodbye to people I have this irrational fear ....what if I don't see them again ?
On the surface I appear to be fairly global , I can literally get ready in five minutes, sling my passport into my bag and off I go .However, I have increasingly found that as I age, I resist the distance between myself and people I love .Although I hide it very well from Colin, I already fear the day when he informs me that he is off around the world on an adventure ! It's as though I have this primal urge to gather everyone around me in the homestead and keep them close ...even though I am well aware that I don't possess magic powers of protection and sometimes the very thing you dread the most will actually happen. That is unfortunately part of the human condition .The logical part of my brain realizes that we have no choice but to tolerate randomness and uncertainty .
Mum and Doug left Buffalo with a certain degree of unease. I was concerned about how they would manage the logistics of travel and obviously I had some very real concerns about their health. In particular, my mother seemed less resilient and more fragile . Despite the fact she has done extremely well with her treatment and she is relatively healthy, her recent bout of bronchitis and frequent nausea meant that she had to pace herself and watch her energy levels.
Unfortunately , they are unable to complete their trip or even take the cruise back to Florida. The doctor in England has advised Doug to fly home immediately and they are returning today by plane. It's for the best , there's no point taking unnecessary risks .
Mum is pragmatic. it's quite obvious to her that the trip wasn't meant to be and there is no point agonizing about the fact that it's over . She will be home in a few hours and if I am being really selfish (and honest) there's a part of me that is relieved.I can stop worrying now . Doug will have the medical treatment he needs and my mother is safe .
